As most of you know I always do a recap at the end of every month. I have already did a recap for December. If you have not read it yet, click here. If you don’t know what the recap is, at the end of every month I go over the personal stuff in my life to use as example of all the lessons I have learned from my mistakes and events that are out of my control. I also talk about all the things I am totally grateful for. I do these things a way to be a better person into the next month and to keep me grounded. I hope doing so encourage others to do the same. So we can all be in this path of personal growth and self development.
This time instead of the month, I decided to recap the whole year. I don’t think I have done this for the year of 2018. So this is my first yearly recap. Personally, this year started rocky. A roommate/college friend have passed away in the beginning of 2019. Right there and then, my year started off rough. It took until April to start looking up. Even though things were looking up, I knew my physical health was horrible. I haven’t been feeling great since September of 2018 and I knew what it was because all the symptoms were thing I had before. I went to the doctor and I was right. Around 2015 I have ovarian cancer. The tumor came back again. Thankfully all I had to do was just the surgery and this time they didn’t have to take my egg. But I had to go to work shortly after surgery and coming into work drugged up so I won’t feel the extreme pain to function. However, I was so loopy from the drugs that I still couldn’t properly function. The surgery, recovery, and healing took from August to the beginning of October. Of course the surgery paused the progress I was making going to the gym in the beginning of 2019. I was glad to start back again on November. Around the time of healing from the surgery I thought it would be great idea to start dating again. Yea… I know… not smart. But I have met this wonderful person and I think might make official with this one. We will see in 2020… Of course the drama and office politics at work this whole year was constant, but I managed. In between complications at work, death of friend, and my tumor coming back, I had to deal with my mental illnesses. The morning depressions. Anxiety, ocpd, and dermontanlia during the day. Manic during the evenings. Mood swings, suicidal thoughts, and so much more. It was intense. More so around the holiday season which never had happen to me.
With all that being said, I don’t know how I made it. Hahaha! All I know is I made it. But looking back all the hardship I have learned that I need to cut myself some slack. I am WAY too hard on myself. I should have a little bit more faith in myself and the universe. I am never alone and I have amazing people in my life cheering me on. Everything happens for the a reason and all that I am going through is for whatever blessing is coming my way. I need to learn to be more patient and be more positive. I guess since I was a child I had a difficult life. When you have a difficult life in an early age you are constantly in survivor’s mode. Being in survivor’s mode makes you in see the world as what it is, which is not a bad thing. Just the down side to it, you can’t see the possibilities of what it could be. Of course, a survivor is living a day by day. A survivor doesn’t think about possibilities of tomorrow because to have that kind of mindset is consider a luxury. A luxury a survivor does not have. It’s a harsh truth, but it’s the truth. And in this truth, this what would be considered a pessimistic about a survivor. But to a survivor we don’t see pessimistic vs optimistic. We see what is real/tangible/attainable vs fake/unattainable. But I will say there is a difference between a hopeful survivor and a regular survivor is a hopeful survivor says, “It’s not achievable… right now. But it will be when the time is ready” I like to believe I’m a hopeful survivor. “I am not able to travel or even go to the movies with friends right now, BUT…. it will happen” Knowing all I have gone through and getting a sense of the chaos coming ahead, I like to believe as a hopeful survivor, my 2020 will be a better year.
Blog wise, I believe I have done a decent job bringing more awareness on mental health. I have written about depression, overcoming your fears, self doubt, truth about seeing a therapist and taking medication for mental illnesses, bpd, bipolar disorder, mental illnesses for people within the LGBTQ, African Americans, and male community, the importance of self care, and so many topics. I am proud of what I have done with this blog this year. I just hope you enjoyed, was inspired, and became enlighten with every entry. I hope my entries brought you awareness on mental health, showed you to love yourself, and most importantly… hope. Having hope is one of the keys to fight depression and break the stigma. I really wish my blog brought you that the most. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment. It means the world to me. I hope to give more content about mental health that you will hopefully enjoy. I do have a bit of changes and tricks up my sleeve that I think you will enjoy. Just keep stopping by.
How was your 2019? What are the lessons you have learned? What are your grateful about in 2019? What are the lessons and blessings you were bestowed upon on 2019 that will carry on into the new year? Please comment below. I love reading and responding. Remember, we got through 2019 by adulting one day at a time.
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