On my previous blog, I’m A Fraud, I have discussed about having self-doubt, and at the end, I stopped it before it really became damaging. I didn’t get into details on the “process”. So I decided to provide some tips that have helped me in situations when I have doubted myself.
I have mentioned in my previous entry that I stopped myself before the negative thoughts escalates. Every time a bit of doubt seep into your brain, raise your hand and halt it dead on it’s track. Don’t let it finish it’s sentence or a word. Don’t even let it breathe! Trust me, that’s the easy part. The hard part is recognizing it. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we don’t even pick up what we are doing. Especially for people who constantly do it to themselves. But once you see what’s happening, it won’t be too difficult to end the mind games.
Memories, in a moment of self doubt, it’s the worse thing ever! Cause all of your mistakes creeps in. Instead of looking at it in a negative way, change it up. Yea, you done fucked up! But what did you learn from it? How did that experience shape you as a better person now? If it was an obstacle in your life, how did you get over your struggle? Think of how you persevered through it all. Don’t let your past cause you doubt within your present. Let it build you up for a better future.
DON’T. COMPARE. YOURSELF. Don’t. Compare. Yourself. Don’t compare yourself. If I have to repeat myself one more time, my hand will magically pop out of your screen and slap you in the face. Everybody has their own journey. Some people just makes it look easier than what it is. But everybody has their own little personal hurdles that they have to get over. You may not see it, but that person does. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Plus, if you’re starting out in your journey, and the other person have been in the game for a good minute, of course they are going to be in level 60. It reminds me of a good quote, “don’t compare someone’s middle to your beginnings”. You are your own person with an interesting path and nobody has your life. Nobody is you. So stop comparing yourself. You being you is all you need to be awesome. Don’t doubt. Dazzle. **jazz hands**
With that being said… you ain’t shit! Lol! Let me explain. Sometimes self doubt comes from a place that all eyes are on us. Therefore, we tend to place unnecessary pressure on ourselves. But I hate to break it to you, but you are not the center of people’s attention. People have other things going on in their lives to even create an opinion about you. I’ll give you as example. My friend had a tournament for his black belt. He was getting nervous and doubting himself thinking he wasn’t able to live up to the expectation. He was focusing on what people around may think. I looked around and there were people looking at the clock wondering when the tournament going to end. There were people focusing on the person they were cheering for. There were a few people looking for change to fill up their parking meter. I was like, “Dude, it’s all in your head. Don’t think about the people. Focus on your match” He repeated the phrase, “focus on the match” over and over again. Before you know it, he was up, did an awesome Vincent Van Damme kick and he won. I was sticking my tongue out like Miley Cyrus screaming, “That’s my boy!” So relax. It’s not always about you. If you can’t calm down, then think of the wise words of Dr. Seuss, “… those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”
That reminds me of victories, celebrate every little mile stone. When you pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments you gain more confidence. This will deteriorate your self doubt. Started on your school project and got a good chunk of it done, even though it’s due in 3 months? Celebrate! Trying to lose weight and you squeezed a 10 minutes walk in your busy schedule? Celebrate! You finally started organizing your closet? Celebrate! This positive feedback will motivate you to do more and believe in yourself. However, don’t get TOO carried away. Don’t go for a 10 minutes walk then celebrate by eating a bucket of ice cream then say, “That’s why I workout” No! That’s not how it works and you know that. Put that spoon down fatty! There are other ways to treat yourself. Like watching your favorite show, take a nap, play an extra hour of video game. The list goes on. But go ahead; do your victory dance!
What else kills self doubt? Positive thinking. Okay, I see some of yall rolled your eyes and said, “here we go…” underneath your breath. Let me first say, that attitude is the reason why you’re having self doubt. Yea, I said it… and what? Seriously, it’s like laws of attraction. You gravitate the vibe you push out. If you push out self doubt, then negativity comes your way. This will create more self doubt, which will produce more negativity. It’s a vicious cycle that won’t end. Having an optimistic point of the view of your world will not only make you feel better, but it will bring good vibes towards your way. For some, it’s easier said than done. I get it. It is something that takes time and practice. But trust me when I say it will be beneficial.
Sometimes it’s difficult to be optimistic when a set back occurs. Nothing like having self doubt, when unexpected speed bump have happened. Everything was running smoothly and it seems like things were falling into place. Then BAM! Something pimp smack you across the face telling you, “No!” Now you’re sitting there thinking, “Omg, maybe this wasn’t meant for me. Maybe this is a sign. I can’t do this” Life sometimes doesn’t care about your wants and needs, but it doesn’t mean you should cave in. What helps self doubt in this situation is to plan things out. Don’t toss in the towel; get organize. Don’t let life Dikembo Mutombo your shot! Giving up on a setback is like slashing all the tires on your car when you only had one flat tire. Don’t doubt. Strategize.
“I am not talented enough…” you may think. Eh… you might be right. You might really suck at what you’re doing. I know saying this is not making you feel better, but don’t click that X on the top right corner. Hear me out… If you’re lacking on your skills, the only way to stop the self doubt is to get better. Whatever your skill is, you can always get better. Remember what I said about comparison? Stop doing that and level up. Watch tutorials on YouTube, download digital books, ask someone who is better than you for assistance, and practice, practice, practice. So it may not come naturally to you, but doesn’t mean you can’t be great. But do NOT be a hater. Appreciate and congratulate, but don’t hate. Being a hater doesn’t get rid of your self doubt. It doesn’t make you better at your craft. Remember what I said about laws of attraction? So go! Cancel that self doubt with hard work.
Ya know what can also kills self doubt? A pep talk. Sometimes we just need to let out all the doubts that runs in our head, because it can be really intense. Let it out to someone you trust and confined in. Having someone to listen is therapeutic. As well, they can provide reassurance and perspective of all your concerns. Sometime we know the logical way of thinking, but it’s better hearing it from someone who knows you well.
What’s the most effective technique of self doubt? Cutting yourself some slack. I have mentioned this on my previous entry. How I cam to realization, that I need to give myself a break. And you need to do the same too. If you notice, all the different examples I gave of different types of self doubt, they all have one thing in common. High expectations. Now, don’t get me wrong, high expectation can be a good thing. It pushes us to improve in ourselves and our circumstances. What’s not okay is allowing high expectations to cause you so much stress that it creates self doubt in yourself. You’re only human. You’re not perfect and no one is demanding you to be. And if there is somebody doing so, toss that person out like 3 months expire milk! **snap**snap**
With all jokes aside, I hope my techniques really helped you out. If you have any other ways of getting over self doubt, please comment! I would love to hear from you. If you enjoy this entry, please share. Don’t forget to follow me on other social media platforms that are listed below. Until next time, remember to keep adulting one day at a time. xoxo