Now that I am 30 and it’s the new year, I am really determined to get my shit together. Like finally getting a job that pays me on what I’m really worth. Eating healthier and exercise more to get back in shape. Find true love.
When I mean true love. I do not mean the romantic bullcrap you read in books, listen in songs, or watch in movies/shows. To me true love is loving thyself. I need to love myself more. I have to! I’m the number one person I hang around with 24/7. Life will not be great if I don’t like myself. Especially, since I am stuck with myself until I die. Might as well start loving me.
Anyway, this was the time I’m going to “adult” more. I have! I’ve been going up and down the stairs for 30 minutes during my 1 hour lunch break. On top of that, 1 hour exercise at home. I’ve been drinking green tea for the longest, but I have increase the cups I drink. I pick a cereal/snack that provide a lot of protein and fiber. I have meal prep. I’v been networking and applying to jobs. I’ve been keeping my room clean… ish… At work, I closed a HUGE deal. A major deal! With doing all this self care and taking care of my responsibilities, you think I would be so proud of myself. But I’m not.
It bothers me! I am finally taking control of my life and making progress. And I still can’t give myself a break? What the f***k is wrong with me? I can’t even be happy for myself. Then I realize it’s not that I’m disappointed on my achievements. I’m disappointed of what I have not achieved. So no matter how many things I have accomplished or what major accomplishments I have done; my mind will always say, “Yea, that’s great and all, but what about this task? What about that goal?”
What I need to do is really stop. Just stop. Sit. Sit and remember the times I was not able
to do anything. Remember, getting out of bed was the most difficult task. Remember, how far I have come. How the tiny steps I have taken made a huge difference. And how I have gotten where I am at. Then contemplate; if I can do these tasks, then I can and will do the other tasks. I must be patient with the process and most of all… with myself. Once I do that, I live more in the moment. Cause if I live in the moment; I won’t feel depressed about my past and stress about my future. I’ll be in the present. And when I’m in the present; I can appreciate the goals I have conquer.
So if you’re like me and you seem to be frustrated or not satisfy of all the things you have succeeded. Just meditate on how far you come and how far you will go; then focus on the moment.